Saddle Up Saloon; Karaoke II

Written by D. Avery @shiftnshake

       Read my writing and see my books at  https://shiftnshake.wordpress.com

September 20, 2020

Saddle Up Saloon

“Well ya better not pout, ya better not whine

Tellin’ ya Kid, it’s Rodeo time

Carrot Ranch Rodeo’s comin’ real soon!”

*(tune of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town)

“Pal! Git off the stage. Let other folks try their hand at karaoke. Asides, why’re ya singin’ Christmas songs this time a year?”

“Don’tcha know, Kid? It’s Cowboy Christmas! Thet’s whut real cowboys call rodeo season, an’ all a October’s rodeo season at Carrot Ranch.”

“Is it that time agin? This’ll be the fourth Rodeo, the time when writers have the opportunity ta compete fer a cash prize in addition ta the weekly challenge.”

“Yep, but it’s still all fun an’ friendly.

Ya know thet it’s still frien’ly, even if ya compete

An’ even if ya git thrown, yer sure ta land on yer feet!

Whoa!

Ya might git bucked, ya might git tossed

Ya might not be able ta stay on yer hoss

The rodeo contest’s comin’ real soon!”

 “Now I git yer Santy Clause tune, Pal. I been thinkin’ ‘bout the upcomin’ rodeo too. Been thinkin’ we gotta liven it up. Did ya have a listen ta Shorty’s soundtrack? It’s all Western yippee kiyi music.”

“Thet’s cuz we’re a yippee kiyi kinda ranch Kid. It’s our motif, like.”

“Well I’d like ta put mo’e teeth in that soundtrack. Jazz it up.”

“Ya wanna play jazz, Kid? Country Western is classic.”

“Not Jazz. Not Country Western, an’ not classical either. Disco. 

*(tune of Staying Alive, by the Beegees)

Well, ya kin tell by the way I wear ma hat

I’m an ol’ ranch hand, no doubt ‘bout that

Contests tuff and writing wild

I’m a Kid but I ain’t no child

Them rodeo leaders will have their say

But we’ll survive ta ride anuther day

All the competitors jist do their best

An’ them judges won’t git no rest

 

Don’t worry ‘bout the hurties, don’t worry ‘bout gittin’ dirty

Yer takin’ yer ride, takin’ yer ride

You’ll know ever’one has seen ya, standin’ tall in the arena

Takin’ yer ride, takin’ yer ride

Aw, ouch, oh, ow, takin’ yer ride, takin’ yer ride

Aw, ouch, oh, ow, takin’ yer riiiiiiiide

We’re all jist writers, here fer each other

Here fer each other, yeah

We’re all jist writers, here fer each other, yeah

We’re takin’ the ride”

 “Jeez, Kid. Disco?”

“With the rodeo, ever day is Saturday night, Pal. Here’s another one from that sound track, though I think it were K.C. and the Sunshine Band that come up with this song.”

*(Tune of Boogie Shoes)

Rodeo’s here, ranchers ride in the ring

Yeah, uh huh, yeah

Hang onta yer hat, hangin’ on is the thing

Yeah, yeah, uh huh, uh huh

I want to put on my my my my my cowboy boots
Jist to spur ya on, yeah
I want to put on my my my my my cowboy boots
Jist to spur ya on, uh huh”

“Thet’s enough, Kid, jeez it’s a disco infernal.”

“Reckon we gotta do the hustle an’ git ready fer this rodeo, huh Pal?”

“Prob’ly, but I ain’t sure jist whut gittin’ ready means fer us this year. Know we’s in fer a TUFF time here at the saloon is all. Reckon it’ll all come t’gether jist fine with some real fine rodeo leaders settin’ out the contest prompts.

*(12 Days of Christmas) 

In the first week a rodeo, the leader’ll give ta me—

I have no idea, will jist have ta wait an’ see

In the secon week a rodeo, the leader’ll give ta us—

I’ve no way a knowin’, will jist have ta wait thus.

In the third week a rodeo, anuther contest present—

But I cain’t see the future, so jist gotta be patient

In the fourth week a rodeo, the final contest event—

A month long Cowboy Christmas, surely heaven sent

An’ if them four contests don’t seem quite enough—

Take the extra challenge, the one Shorty’s callin’ TUFF.”

“That’s enough a that song, Pal! Okay, we git it, Cowboy Christmas is almost here. But this kinda-karaoke stage is open ta anyone an’ ever’one an’ they don’t have ta have a disco song or a Christmas song; ain’t even gotta be ‘bout the rodeo or the ranch. Jist leave yer lyrics an’ the tune in the comment corrals. But if’n folks do wanna git in the spirit a rodeo they should check out the Carrot Ranch youtube channel. There’s a whole new soundtrack been put up.”

“I don’t think I could ever git tired a the first one. Hey, Kid, look who jist come in. Frankie! Frankie, ya gonna sing us a song?”

“I sure am, Pal. If ya know the tune of Chelsea Morning by Joni Mitchell you can sing along:

Woke up, was a Carrot Ranch morning, and first thing that I heard

Stories stampin’ ‘cross the range, hoof beats countin’ 99 words

It hummed like cattle lowing, creaked soft like well worn saddle leather

 Oh, won’t you write

Where the fire burns bright

Where words provide food and shelter

 

Woke up, was a Carrot Ranch morning, and first thing that I saw

A corral full of unicorns, rainbow carrots served to all

Fantasy and fiction frolicking freely, but it is truth they’re bearing

 Oh, won’t you write

Where the fire burns bright

In a community that’s caring”

“Wow, Frankie!”

“What can I say, Kid? Stick that in yer ipod an’ play it.”

“Okay, folks, we jist got wind thet Pepe LeGume wants ta do his rendition of Love Stinks, so we’re gonna clear outta here. Leave us a song a yer own or jist a comment. We’ll see ya here next week fer a very special guest.”

####

If asked, Pal & Kid will deny that they spill from the pen of D. Avery. They claim to be free ranging characters who live and work at Carrot Ranch and now serve up something more or less fresh every Monday at the Saddle Up Saloon. If you or your characters are interested in saddling up for a wild ride as a saloon guest, contact them via averydede.1@gmail.com.

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44 Comments

  1. Charli Mills

    The gang has pulled through! I love this croakin’ karaoke at the Saloon, but glad you ditched Love Stinks. Phew! Gotta wrangle the Sarge for this one. Thanks for sharing the Rodeo music and celebrating Cowboy Christmas!

  2. D. Avery @shiftnshake

    This one’s fer Shorty, the song many will associate with the musical/movie Hair but originally by Nina Simone and featured at Carrot RANCH as a prompt earlier this year. (I Got Life)

    I got mice, rancher
    Unwanted guests, writer
    I got rodents, sister
    And I got mouse poop, man
    I got mouse nests, daughter
    I got an infested trailer, cousin
    They’re in the cupboards and trash cans
    And in the sink too, oh, ewww!
    I got my cat
    I got my traps
    I got my brains
    I got my ears
    I got my eyes
    I got my nose
    I get disgusted
    by these mice

    I got mice
    (mice)
    Mice
    (Mice)
    Mice!!!

    • Charli Mills

      Sing it!

      • D. Avery @shiftnshake

        Sadly I am,,, the electric gizmo no longer seems to be effective.
        I got mice sister.

  3. Doug Jacquier

    Let me introduce you to an Aussie classic, re-mastered for the patrons of the Saddle Up Saloon. It’s a very sad song called Saloon With No Beer.

    A cowboy rides up with his dry dusty throat
    He stands at the bar and pulls a wad from his coat
    But the smile on his face quickly turns to a sneer
    As the barman says sadly ‘Saloon’s got no beer’.

    Then the drifter comes in smothered in dust and flies
    He throws down his roll and rubs the sweat from his eyes
    But when he is told, he says ‘What’s this I hear?
    You mean I’ve trudged fifty miles to a saloon with no beer?

    Now there’s a dog on the porch his master calls Cal
    He sees her boss inside drinking wine with his pal
    He hurries for cover and he cringes in fear
    It’s no place for a dog when the saloon’s got no beer

    And old Billy the blacksmith, the first time in his life
    Why he’s gone home cold sober to his darling wife
    He walks in the kitchen, she says you’re early Bill dear
    But then he breaks down and says ‘Saloon’s got no beer’.

    Oh it’s-a lonesome away from your kindred and all
    By the campfire at night as the coyotes call
    But there’s-a nothing so lonesome, morbid or drear
    Than to hear the sad news, ‘Saloon’s got no beer’!

    Y’all can sing along here https://tinyurl.com/y2ghds3p

    • robbiesinspiration

      Haha, Doug, simply brilliant.

      • Doug Jacquier

        Thanks, Robbie 🙂

    • Norah

      Good one, Doug. I was thinking of ‘Wrap me up with my stockwhip and blanket’. 🙂

      • Doug Jacquier

        I did toy with Old Shep 🙂

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      Ha! My hat’s off to ya, Doug! It’s a tragic song you’ve shared. The Saddle Up is well stocked, rest assured, and have one on the house.

      • Doug Jacquier

        Thanks, Davery. I’ve actually had a beer in that eponymous pub (or at least one of them that claims to be the original), The Taylors Arm Hotel and bought a souvenir T-shirt to prove it. Like the Wild West, truth is what you believe. https://www.australiaforeveryone.com.au/pub-with-no-beer/

    • Charli Mills

      You are good at Saloon Kareoke, Doug!

      • Doug Jacquier

        Thanks, Charli, but anyone who has heard me sing would disagree vociferously. 😉

  4. robbiesinspiration

    Well done on this great post, Miss D. I always enjoy the Rodeo.

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      Thank you Robbie. It is an exciting time for sure.

  5. Norah

    I’ve got my disco shoes on and I’m ready to dance. Love those lyrics. Well done, Pal and Kid. Pepe is a bit of a room-clearer, isn’t he?

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      Yes Pepe can move a crowd to tears. Disco! Ugh, that came as a surprise to me too, dang Kid.

      • Norah

        I love that skit of Tim and Debbie’s. It’s actually what I was thinking of when I wrote ‘room clearers’ but I didn’t expect anyone else to know of them. Thanks for the link. I hadn’t listened to it in ages. The other quote of Tim’s that I use quite often is “I would have said that if I’d thought of it.” 🙂

      • Doug Jacquier

        🙂 along with Debbie ‘Do you know ..” ‘Tim, ‘Yes I know’.

      • Norah

        I know. I know. 🙂

      • Norah

        Thanks, Doug. I don’t think I’ve seen that clip before, but I’m pretty sure it was on the album I had.

  6. Susan Zutautas

    What a great way to start my Monday morning! LMAO! Great songs and fun to sing along with.

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      It makes my day to have made your day! Thanks.

  7. Chel Owens

    I’d norm’ly sing right along, Pal and Kid, but admit my country repertoire ain’t as expansive as yours! What a way to send us off, though!

    (Also, Charli, if you git this: I wonder what happened to last year’s contest, ‘cus I think I was one that was supposed to get a critique and never heard hide nor hair of it. Thanks!)

    • Charli Mills

      Hi Chelsea,

      I do want to point out that no one was charged for critiques and all prize money was paid out. I dropped the ball having committed to something that I didn’t realize would be so overwhelming to complete. But it will get done before the next Rodeo. I apologize that I’ve not communicated to you or others who were promised a critique for being short-listed.

      Charli

      • Chel Owens

        ?? I’ve been in a pregnancy haze, then a newborn haze, now a teething haze. I just wanted to be certain I didn’t miss an announcement.

      • Charli Mills

        You haven’t missed anything! It will get done because I’m in too much mental agony over it, especially now that someone has asked, what up?

        And congratulations on on the new mama haze. I hope you and your family are well.

      • Chel Owens

        Thanks, Charli. I’ll send you a picture.

      • Charli Mills

        I’d love that, Chel!

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      What I heard Chelsea say is that she is going to summarize for us her past few months to the tune of Jimi Hendix’s Purple Haze.

      • Chel Owens

        ….*looks up “Purple Haze*

      • Chel Owens

        New-Parent Haze was in my brain-
        Inspiration just wasn’t the same.
        Tried funny prompts; no one knew why
        Posted random pictures of the sky (and birds, Kephart, a whale..)

        Parent Haze hung around
        Was I waking up or going down?
        Was I happy or in misery?
        Whatever it was, baby boy spit up on me

        Wait for me
        Read for me
        Oh no, oh

        ~[Background voices: -so many background voices!]
        Honestly, I couldn’t tell what they say
        Fed them cookies, then sent them out to play
        Hoped my bloggers would still come to call
        But not as much as I hoped school was open in the Fall!~

        Yeah, Parent Haze blurred my eyes
        Didn’t know if it was day or night
        Sometimes I was thinking, blowing my mind
        Was it September yet or the stop of time?

        Oh wait for me
        Ah yeah, parent haze
        Oh, yes oh read me
        Tell me, bloggers, tell me
        (Parent Haze!)
        I couldn’t go on like that
        (Parent Haze!)
        They were making me blow my mind as mama
        (Pregnant Haze!)
        Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s poetic, maybe
        (Parent Haze!)

      • Doug Jacquier

        Beyond brilliant. Can you also play left-handed and pick out a riff with your teeth? 🙂 btw I think you misheard the fourth line; it’s actually ‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.’

  8. Liz H

    ????????
    Will dance after my coffee. Promise.
    ????

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      Will this dance be linked to the Carrot Ranch youtube channel? Zoombah perhaps?

      • Liz H

        Darn! Coulda woulda shoulda…din’t.

  9. H.R.R. Gorman

    DISCO!!!! Kid is officially my soul mate! (Don’t tell my husband).

    One of my favorite Disco things to do is listen to the KC & The Sunshine Band song “I’m Your Boogie Man” then follow it up immediately with the White Zombie metal cover. And, of course, you gotta love the queen of it all: Donna Summer.

    Looking forward to stayin’ alive at the Rodeo!

    • Charli Mills

      That’s the way, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh!

    • D. Avery @shiftnshake

      Heehee. I saw earlier with the radio prompt that you liked disco. This was waiting for you!

      • H.R.R. Gorman

        Aww, thanks!

  10. Jules

    What a fun post! And a reminder that October is going to be a busy month!
    And I’ll celebrate near the end of the month turnin’ another year older!
    Iffin’ I don’t get any other rewards havin’ my cake and eating it will have to do.

    Mornings are not generally my best time – so I can’t think of any good parodies to Happy Birthday. I’m not generally good with mocktails (parodies that is)!

    Just starting fresh is best. So I’ve enjoyed the punnies and will be back to see what others share.

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